Pictures are on Alissa's Facebook

Hi,

I have come to the conclusion that working at "the park" does not offer to experience different cultures, challenging work environments, make new friends, ride the mountain all day long, and eat a variety of different foods, but rather, "the "park" offers all three of these plus another color of experience. Personal growth.

I am a naive, self-less, innocent, and ignorant tapeworm. How can I describe myself as self-less and a tapeworm in one sentence? Let me explain. I have just learned that Jon is portrayed to be this hard working, little asian boy that cleans other people's poop. That is fine. I still have two UCSD degrees, I know who I am. The problem seems to appear when people... certain people take advantage of that. Then, this little self-less tapeworm decides that other people's scolding (for the sake of being mean) becomes interternalized, activating this tapeworm to feed off my positive energy. This makes me feel malnourished in the mind and spirit, and I get sick, real sick. But for all those academic savants that took their biology degree one step further and studied parasitology might know that tapeworms spread like a plague (or to be more modern, spread like swine flu). Then, I overgeneralize. I spread the tapeworm's eggs to other people, by interpreting innocent people's simple, honest criticism as a personal attack. I hold these quasi-vendettas and let it explode inside me, further awakening more tapeworms inside of me. I am regressing into an anti-social, cynical, being. The more I allow these adjectives to latch onto me, the more other innocent and honest people become confused and start to become anti-social and cynical towards me. I am starting to hate people, help from others, and the ability to enjoy anything.

I had this tapeworm for quite a while now ( I think...maybe right at college? before? this year?). I don't know. But like a real tapeworm, it didn't really occur to me that my spirit and mind was being destroyed untill I really feel bad. I thought something was wrong sure, with little outbursts here or there, but like a real tapeworm, you just think its a minor papercut cold...nothing major.

Nothing is major yet. But even papercuts can turn into a severe wound if untreated. But at least I see this pain now. Without misdiagnosis.

I finally see myself unhappy and finally realizing that not doing anything by succumbing to defeat or even just hacking it through and telling myself "to suck it up, pussy" won't do.

I see an opportunity now, but I can't let this one pass for the life of me. No more dumping in the already filled grave of opportunities. I am unhappy now, but I have the power and amibition to be happy. And no more personal defeats. I am staying here at the park, and if I can find another part-time job to supplement my income, let's do it. I don't believe in swear words. I call these impact words and emotional catalysts. Fuck you world, give me all you got. I will skull fuck you!